How Are Codependency and Enmeshment Connected?
Two peas in a pod. Cut from the same cloth. Birds of a feather. Peanut butter and jelly. Two halves of the same whole.
When you think of relationships, you think of two people coming together to form one party. It’s almost as if you’re the color red. Your partner is the color blue. And together, you make the color purple.
But all of these examples show two individuals being the same. Peas from the same pod. Cuts from the same cloth. Or feathers on one bird. When peanut butter and jelly is spread on a sandwich, there’s no turning back. You can’t separate the peanut butter and jelly without having some mixed in. The same can be said about paint.
These aren’t the best examples to describe relationships. Healthy relationships don’t involve two people intertwining or becoming one. Healthy relationships involve a balance of caring for one another while maintaining your sense of independence.
Let’s learn more about codependency and enmeshment and how they are connected.
What is Codependency?
Codependency is a type of relationship where the people involved are reliant or dependent on one another. Codependency can take on many forms. A person in a codependent relationship may be codependent emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. Someone in a codependent relationship may rely heavily on their partner to make sure their needs are being met and their partner is making them happy.
What is Enmeshment?
Enmeshment occurs in relationships when the boundaries that have been set between the individuals involved have become blurred or even non-existent. In an enmeshed relationship, each person involved will begin to feel the other person’s feelings becoming intertwined with one another. If one of the people in the relationship is sad, the other person will be sad. If someone is angry, the other will be angry too. This type of relationship can make it increasingly difficult to find the separation between yourself and your partner.
The Similarities
While codependency and enmeshment are two completely separate concepts, there do share some similarities. Enmeshment often leads to codependency. Both enmeshment and codependency involve feeling what the other person or people in a relationship may be feeling and fully believing that you are only okay if they are and vice versa.
These are some of the most common signs of both enmeshment and codependency:
Avoid conflict
Doing things even if you don’t want to
Dismiss your own wants and needs
Fear of being abandoned
Guilty
Lack of boundaries with others
Low self-esteem or sense of one’s self.
Sense of responsibility for how someone else feels
Treatment Options and Next Steps
A healthy relationship means spending time with your partner but also dedicating some time to yourself every now and then. A balance is crucial in healthy relationships so that you don’t completely lose yourself in the relationship.
A healthy relationship involves two or more individuals coming together but still finding a way to be independent. One partner should never feel like they’re giving while the other person is taking. You’re completely different and unique individuals. You each have your own family, friends, careers, hobbies, interests, wants, needs, and more. You have to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and your own wants and needs before you can give yourself to someone else. No one should ever feel like they’re losing themself in a relationship.
If you’re struggling to find a balance in your relationship or looking to make any of your existing relationships healthier, we’re here to help. Reach out to learn more about couples therapy.
